Speeding?

I have the privilege of teaching students about patience and focus and diligence and obeying authorities and loving others.... and yet today i almost failed all of them. Not in a classroom, not on a stage. . . but behind the wheel of my car. maybe you think you know where this thought is going. . . but i think there is a small twist in the story that makes it a little different then your average driving story. It was 4:30 close to but not rush hour. there were many cars on the road, and the speed limit was 45 mph and i was headed towards and intersection with a light. I was so excited to be headed home, and i drive this route almost everyday so i admit kinda went into auto pilot. and i was in definitely in 43 mph zone. I try not to speed. i try to obey the rules, after all i teach about obedience. what would it look like if i just speed along and didn't care about the rules and then tried to teach others to obey.

Obedience is a matter of obedience all the time, not just when it was convenient.

Please imagine my shock then when the car behind me has speed up to the back bumper of my car, laid on its horn and the drive is yelling at me and signing 45 to me.as though i am breaking the law by driving less then the speed limit. Last time i checked a speed limit sign was indicating the maximum speed a person could drive on the indicated road. not the minimum.

With in seconds the driver behind me moved to the left lane (that's right i was in the right lane traditionally known as the slow lane) and passed me while honking his horn signing 45 to me with a few other finger signs (i am not sure how they indicated speed limit) and then stepped on his gas pedal and moved at 55 mph.

What amazed me about this entire interaction was that after it was over i was so frustrated. speedy man was gone, i had continued to obey, and i was still headed home. but something in me was so entirely frustrated about being yelled at for doing what is right. I wished that man would get pulled over so that i would have been justified in my obedience by the confirmation of his disobedience.

Yet that isn't how God works.

God clearly states that he will repay. that it is not in my authority to decide how or why or when.

I wonder how many times in a day i speed by others and don't take the time to know that they are trying to obey. How many times do i speed past the hand of God thinking that HE is moving too slow and i have a place to be. How many times is my moment is more important to me then my obedience?

So to the man who speed by me today, and to those who will speed by the hand of God tomorrow... is it really that important to fulfill your plan? What if..... just What if God has something for you in the moment that you are trying so hard to pass through?

TOMS - 1 Million Pairs

I have become a huge supporter and advocate for TOMS. They have an incrediable one for one motto. For every pair of shoes that is bought they will give a pair of shoes to a child in need. and this September they will be giving away their 1,000,000 pair of shoes! That means there have been 1 million kids that now can go to school, will be protected from disease and now have hope for TOMorrow.

child-like

I was hanging out with a group of little children the other day, and watched an interaction between a 5 year old and a 2 year old that made me laugh at the ridiculousness of the moment, and then God spoke directly to my heart about idols and my own ability to lose focus on the blessings of God. Let me start from the beginning. There was a bucket of toys, mostly trucks and cars and toy planes. the 5 year old, lets call him johnny, started playing with them as so the 2 year old, lets call him sami,  wanted to play as well. now it would be great to say that they both picked trucks and cars and played happily but were are talking about humans with a sin nature born into them . . . Johnny has his toys and Sami reaches in the bucket and of course picks what quickly becomes the only truck Johnny wanted: "But that is my favorite truck, that is the truck i always want to play with, that is MY truck" now i really wanted to stop the conversation here and reply with; "if this was your favorite truck why did you now pick it out of the bucket when you took your other 5 trucks?" but knowing that reasoning with a 5 year old is a bit pointless i let the situation play out before me.

Sami was as happy as could be with his array of trucks and cars that was before him, but Johnny, while he had the an entire bucket of cars, and the cars he had selected before Sami even arrived to play, he couldn't get his focus off the that one truck.  Johnny even started to manipulate the truck out of Sami's possession. "Sami, look at how many trucks i have! if you gave me that one truck then i would give you all these and you could have more." "I have the best truck and an airplane Sami do you want an airplane?" "i would give you this plane if you for that old truck"

It seemed as though Johnny couldn't enjoy himself or find anything to play with because he was so focused on getting the one thing he wanted? that truck that he didn't want till someone else had it...He spent his entire play time trying to scheme and plan a way to get back what was never his, growing in frustration and anger until he put all his other cars in the bucket and walked away.

I couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of this moment. no sooner did i laugh to myself and thank God that i am no longer 5 did God response by reminding me that i am more like a 5 yr old then i would like to admit. "Jeniffer-- don't you get your mind so fixed on your desires that you miss the blessings i have for you?"

It was embarrassing . . . actually . . . humbling. I so wanted to believe that i was so far beyond being 5 and wanting what i can't have because i can't have it. but i am not. instead of enjoying all the blessings i have around me (from people, to things, to time, to resources) i get focused on that thing i want... somedays it is a husband, some days it is an ipad, somedays it is a family, some days, it is a couch, somedays it is a social circle, you name it at some point i have wanted it....and i have wanted it more than what i have. which makes "it" an idol; a thing that is neither good nor bad but has been desired with more passion then my desire for God.

it is as that point, the moment i can no longer see the incrediable outpouring of God's blessings in my life, that i have lost focus. That i am choosing to place what i don't have over what i have been freely given. My heart is so focused on what i think i need or desire that i am choosing to live in a place of brokenness when wholeness and abundance of joy is mine.

hiding your faith??

i am sitting in Fido, next to two men, well actually a boy and a man. They are busy discussing the boy's desire for a future music carreer. He wants to be a christian artist, without being a christian artist. the boy wants to express his faith with out being "outed" by his audience. how interesting it is to me that his greatest passion in music is to Glorify God and present his faith as a message to others to grab a hold onto. and yet his mentor is trying to tell him to "temper his message" so that other don't feel like he is preaching to them. I have been studying idols over the last few weeks and how often we are told truth in a way that we are deceived. follow me here for a moment. We are given, told, or presented truth but the way that it is presented is skewed just a bit so that the conclusion we come to is actual a lie or falsehood. Thus we can back the evidence that lead us to a false belief with scripture that has been taken out of context or paraphrased in a way  that you don't notice.

Back to my current situation... this boy is seeking wisdom from a man who is most likely a great man who is well intended. To his credit he is giving great advice when it comes to how to practice and prepare for a showcase. But in the midst of all of this great advice is the attack on the truth of Christ. There is nothing this mentor is tell this boy that is not truth but the way he is saying it distracts this boy from his greatest desire to speak Christ from his message.

It has taken everything in me not to look at this boy and tell him, Christ is in you! let Christ shine! don't be afraid to label yourself a christian. Yes some of your fans will be offended but the truth of the Gospel is offensive to those who deny Christ! But do you really want to live for Christ while hiding your faith?

breaking free from grief

it amazes me how a little bit of stress can cause my heart so much grief and thus distract me from what the Lord desires me to focus on. I always thought Satan would try to stop me with something big. i don't know what i thought big was or is i just thought BIG! like life changing BIG can't believe i survived it BIG! but i found that satan uses the smallest of worries to keep me from fully relying on Christ's power. maybe this is why God told us not to worry because he knows that worry will be harder to overcome than illness, or loss, or separation. because worry stirs an anxiety in us that builds a paralyzing fear. That Fear for me, keeps me from doing the very things i desire to do...it breaks down the relationships that are most important to me and build walls between the me God created me to be and the me i am in the midst of worry. As i begin to realize what is happening i fall into a state of grief. Not the grief that is healthy to walk through when you loose a loved one but the grief that you feel when you see nothing but failure in front of you. it is in this moment of smothering grief that i must cry out to my God to pull me up out of the pit. To set me free. to empower me from my own depths. to be the life i can't see in the moment. sometimes it is as easy as saying out loud: "God help me" but most of the time it is me fighting against myself, reminding myself that God has greatness for me and HE will provide the strength i need, and that He desires me to walk in a fullness of his power. those first few steps are so difficult. but i find with each step a little bit of the weight falls off and i am closer to freedom from my grief.

Push forward. walk in the power Christ has for you!! for HE will set you FREE.

my personality profile...

Inspired by a friend who posted his Myers-Briggs personality on face book i decided to take a test and see what it said about me. i would be interested in seeing if you all agree with the profile... here is your chance to comment directly on my personality.

"Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.

Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly."

--http://keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=counselor

take your own test at the link below:

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

the voice of God

students often ask me how i hear the voice of God. WOW! i wish that was an easy answer. I so desire God's voice to Shout from the heavens. That every thing he speaks for me started with my name and end with "this is my will for you, Jeniffer, know that i am God." Ohhhh... how much heartache would be avoided if God's voice was that clear. But it is not, and so we must interpret the thoughts that run through our head and sort through the busyness of  our mind to find the clarity of God. God makes it clear in scripture that he is NOT a God of CONFUSION, but one of peace and lucidity. so what does it mean when we don't understand what he is asking...maybe just maybe he is asking us to wait, to not move until we have clarity because in the waiting he refines our hearts and our minds. so that when he brings about his hand of blessing and his still soft voice speaks we will recognize his voice!!! after all isn't that what he says: "they will know my voice"

I am convince that sometimes we get so impatient in the waiting we stop trusting and listening to God and start to search for the fruition of our plan, our desires. This is the moment that SATAN can launch his greatest attack. He will speak to the desires in your heart as though he is God, He is after all the great deceiver. Satan walks in the open door and ushers in the very thing God is asking you to wait for, but because you have waited a bit and you are more about the waiting ending than pressing into the one who is asking you to wait, thus you see Satan's promptings as God.

You have the ability to interpret your circumstance to mean anything you desire. But that is NOT what God has for you because when you walk outside of the will of God knowingly or unknowingly you are walking out of the protection of the hand of God. so how do you know that you are interpreting your circumstances incorrectly...

1. seek wise counsel from people you know will tell you truth -- if you are only talking to specific people because you know they will support your predetermined choice you are not seeking wise counsel --If you are with holding specific facts from your circumstances because you are afraid of the response they will receive you are not seeking wise counsel. -- in both of these cases you are manipulating the flow of information to seek affirmation and not allowing God to direct you, it will make you feel good because you will be affirmed in your choice, but it will further open the door for Satan and block off a pathway for God to speak to you.

2. search your own heart for your desires --even in the greatest confusion i believe people know if they are being honest with themselves, the the spirit of God living in them will rise up and create a great uneasiness to warn you if you ask him too.

3. lastly and most importantly: read scripture and pray -- your choice should line up with the word of God. -- you should have the peace of God in your heart about your choice even if you don't completely understand the details. -- remember if can blocking out the voice of wise counsel you can also block out the truth of scripture and the voice of God. Having "peace" alone is NOT confirmation that you are in the will of God.

Remember scripture says that we must take every thought captive, meaning they are not all ours. we must capture our thoughts, hold them, examine them before God and determine: is this our thought, God's word for us, or is the part of the great deception. Look and listen for the promptings of God in small things (i feel like i should help that person.... I really want to go sit over there today..... I think i need to go to school early today.... i want to write her a note....) and you will begin to recognize God's voice in the big things (yes i should go to that college, i should apply for that job...).

God is speaking to you... are you listen to him?

God is good

i am convinced that the power of prayer is not so much in the swaying of God's heart to our cause as it is in the aligning of our focus and efforts with God's heart. God knows the promises he has made to us, and he is forever remembering us. There is nothing that comes into our life that he is not keenly aware of, and prepared to bring about blessing from the tragedies. I say this with hesitation as i know there are some who read this and think how can the death of ___________ be a blessing, or how can my illness be a blessing, or how does _______________ ever become good?? I have walked through enough life to know that sometimes the depth of darkness feels as though it is crushing you beyond your ability to survive. As i look back on my life i can honestly say i have made some poor choices and i have been the victim of others poor choices, and while i would never want to relive those i would never want to live my life without them. They have made me who I am today, they have given me a depth to my relationship with the Lord that i could never have achieved with out suffering. I also know that i would have been crushed under my heartache if it had not been for prayer. For the peace that surpasses all understanding that was imparted to me as i held onto the truth that God had not forgotten me, that he was at my side, that he knew every thought, that he captured every tear, that he had a plan, and this...this moment... this tragedy was not a surprise to him. Nor did this tragedy have the power to thwart God's plan for my life.

I don't know why God allows some evils to exist or some extreme cases of suffering to occur... i can't see good in all tragedy, and i don't understand how people can physically survive some of these evils. . . But i know, I believe and i stand firm that even in the midst of these horrifying evils...God is good.

There's Got to be More...

this past week i spent in ROME, GA with the youth group from FBC Augusta! it was an incrediable week. Check out some of the photos from this week!

it is hard to put into words the joy it brings me to spend a week at camp with students who are actively seeking the Lord. These students were at all different levels in their faith, some not sure if they believe and others wanting a deeper relationship with the Lord and still others who are longing for their friends to understand the fire they feel inside. Watching students of all levels dig deep into their souls to expose both their faith and doubts is a beautiful thing to me. This groups of students is unique to me, i have been able to speak at their events multiple times over the last 2 years, and each time i notice an incrediable vulnerability in them. I believe this is due, in part, to the investment of their leaders.

Some of their leaders are parents, college students and others are the age of their grandparents, yet across the board these leaders are out on the rec field, dancing during morning fun sing, dressed up like super heroes, hanging at the 80's party, speaking into the lives of the students, and praying for them. There is not a student that goes untouched by a leader, this takes such intentionality and purpose. It brings me great joy to work with them.